Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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