dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
