thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
