If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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