Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
