We're like a lot better than the average bears
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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