his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
