clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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