Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
