if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
