I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
