i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
