My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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