I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
