You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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