I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
