we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
