if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
