I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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