You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
