Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
