FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
