If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
