Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
