Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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