I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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