What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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