But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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