Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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