College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
