who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
