I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
