It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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