She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
