I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
