Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
