Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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