We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
