My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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