You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
