Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
