What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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