i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
