a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
