So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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