white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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