it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
