I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
