I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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