Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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