well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's just so happy...and so naked.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
