The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
