Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
