Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm bleeding and have questions
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
