We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
