he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize